Monday, September 12, 2016


Here I am at the American Museum of Natural History to consult on the upcoming Cuba exhibition. In case you don't know it, this is the 26th President of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt. Teddy. No, it's not Ernest Hemingway, although they both loved mustaches and spent a bunch of time in Cuba. Ernest Hemingway only drank a lot of rum and caught a lot of marlins. But Teddy aimed much higher. He wanted the whole Kahuna because he was probably the biggest imperialist we ever had. I mean, he charged all the way up San Juan Hill! And if you know anything about that time you know that Jose Marti was killed in the battle of the Two Rivers, but that's another story. Cuz I think Jose Marti was a bad guy then. Wasn't he? Anyway, they asked me over because Teddy was way too busy to know anything about regular folks on the island. The fact is, while he was stomping around the island making it safe for the United Fruit Company, Cuban top dogs all over the place were lynching up a lot of poor old Africans for, get this, using the hearts of little white girls in their magic. Like "La Niña Cecilia" and "La Niña Zoila." I mean, that's kinda what they said about us in the Middle Ages to start pogroms. Us Jews, I mean. So oh my G-d on that island just so ripe for democracy who the hell wanted that savagery around? So, the point is you know, Teddy was a gentleman naturalist and believed in conserving plants and stuff. Like, when you see those nature films of Africa, you don't see any people. I mean that place was pristine just like Cuba. So we have to thank him for that.